


The Birds and The Bees

by notoriously



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alive Cole Anderson, Alternate Universe - Human, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-06 04:00:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17932466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notoriously/pseuds/notoriously
Summary: Hank Anderson is a middle school gym teacher with a big problem. The big problem has big brown eyes, a penchant for sweaters and teaches sex education at his school once a year.





	1. Chapter 1

Coming back from spring break was always a pain in the ass. Hank didn’t get _that_ much time off, but the time he did get off was greatly appreciated. Getting himself moving after any sort of break was hard enough, but that wasn’t even the hardest part, not by a long shot. Getting the thirteen-year-old he lived with to get moving? Now _that_ was near-on impossible.

‘Cole! Come on, buddy, we’re gonna be late!’ Hank called from the hallway, his arms folded. As a teacher, Hank naturally had to be on campus earlier than the students did. Ever since Cole had started attending the middle school that Hank taught at, he had to get used to being on campus before most other kids, and on the best of days, that pissed him off. On the first day back from spring break, it rendered him immobile, completely and utterly stuck in bed with no hope of getting out.

Hank huffed a sigh in the kitchen, reaching up to rub at his temple. He loved Cole more than anything, but if getting him out of bed in the morning was this hard at thirteen, he absolutely dreaded what it was going to be like as he got even further into his teenage years. He stared at the cereal going soggy on the table and wondered why he’d been so optimistic as to make breakfast for Cole like he was going to get up in time for it before they had to leave. He gave Cole a few more minutes, taking some time to fill up the ever-emptying bowl of their Saint Bernard, Sumo, before going to head up the hallway once more. He stood at Cole’s door, knocking on it insistently.

‘Cole, _come on,_ get up!’ Hank called, and he finally got a groan in response. ‘Don’t you groan at me, you knew school started today!’

Hank could have sworn he heard a _whatever, Dad_ as he walked away from the door, but his attempts seemed to have finally worked as he heard a door open and shut, followed by the shuffling of feet along the carpeted floor. As Hank heard the bathroom door close, he went to his own bedroom to get ready for the day. Putting on a pair of shorts and a school branded t-shirt, he pulled his hair up into a small bun before taking a quick look in the mirror.

He didn’t know exactly when he’d gotten so fucking old, but at some point, it had well and truly happened. His hair had long since greyed and the creases around his eyes seemed to be getting deeper day by day. He shook his head at his own reflection and moved away from the mirror, deciding that it wasn’t worth the shot to his self-esteem today. He grabbed a pair of socks and sneakers and sat down on the bed, going to pull them on. He heard the hot water system turn on and rolled his eyes – they didn’t really have time for Cole to take a shower, let alone a shower that took as long as Cole’s showers had been taking lately. Hank did _not_ want to know why Cole’s showers suddenly took so long, even if he had a terrible sneaking suspicion of the reason already. He’d been a teenage boy before and had done just about every terrible thing that a teenage boy could.

Once his socks and shoes were on, Hank went back out into the kitchen, emptying the now fully soggy cereal down the sink. He set upon making Cole some toast instead, which was a lot friendlier for the car than the aforementioned cereal. Sumo decided that he’d quite like some toast as well and came sniffing around Hank’s heels as he spread it with peanut butter. Well, that so happened to be Sumo’s favourite food (along with everything else – there wasn’t really anything Sumo didn’t eat, especially if it was human food) and he decided it was appropriate to jump up, putting his two front paws on the counter.

‘Hey! Sumo! Down!’ Hank cried, and a sheepish Sumo who knew full well when he was being yelled as hopped down, tragically peanut butter-less. He lumbered away as Hank finished up spreading the slices just as Cole finally made an appearance, all slouchy with his backpack slung over one shoulder.

‘Mornin’, kiddo,’ Hank said, going to hand Cole the toast with a piece of kitchen towel as a plate.

‘Morning, Dad,’ he replied, taking a piece of toast and putting it in his mouth as he sat down to lace up his sneakers. He gave Sumo a brief pat but quickly realised he was only in it for a potential bite of peanut buttery goodness, so that stopped pretty fast.

‘You got all your books ready for today?’ Hank asked, and Cole just gave a nonchalant nod. ‘Good,’ Hank continued, picking up his keys. ‘You ready to go?’ Cole whined plaintively.

‘Already?’

‘Yeah, already. You know this is how early we have to get going, it hasn’t changed in almost two years.’ Cole groaned again.

‘ _Fine._ ’ Cole plugged his earbuds into his phone, cranking up the volume and putting the earbuds in. Hank frowned small.

‘Should I be able to hear that?’ he asked, but Cole was already engrossed in listening to his music as he headed for the door, toast in hand. Hank sighed as he picked up his own bag, heading out to the car.

The journey to school wasn’t a particularly long one, but Hank missed the days that the drives were filled with chatter. It was only last year that Cole had started attending the middle school that Hank taught at, and it was only last year that their chats seemed to be frequent and animated. But something had changed in Cole almost the second he’d turned thirteen, and he just wasn’t very chatty anymore, preferring to listen to his music and scroll through the phone he’d gotten for his last birthday. Hank could have sworn he wasn’t this bad when he hit puberty, but giving it the briefest of thoughts, he realised that he certainly was. He’d have to give his mom a call one of these days and apologise for being such a brat.  

‘Seeya, kiddo,’ Hank said as they pulled into the school, but it fell on deaf ears as Cole still had his music turned up. He just got out of the car and headed straight for the area he hung out in, though he did give a small wave more out of reflex than anything else. Hank sighed as he exited his car, heading into the still relatively empty building. He headed straight for the staff room, which was already half full of teachers all as enthusiastic to be back from break as he was.

‘Hey, Ben,’ Hank said, clapping his hand down on the shoulder of a shorter, slightly younger man.

‘Oh, hey, Hank! Welcome back,’ said Ben Collins, social studies teacher and the closest thing Hank had to a work friend. He went back with Ben almost as far back as he went with the Principal Fowler, who’d gotten him this job here in the first place.

‘Yeah, yeah,’ he groaned, going over to the coffee machine to pour himself a mug. He leaned back against the counter, taking a mouthful of coffee. ‘How was your Spring Break?’

‘Quiet,’ Ben replied, sipping his own coffee, ‘and not long enough.’ Hank rose his mug in a silent cheers to that before taking another mouthful. He looked at the door just in time to see his favourite person in the world head in to the room.

‘Morning, everyone,’ announced Gavin Reed, the personification of every pain in Hank’s ass and one of the school’s Spanish teachers. Hank almost rolled his eyes at the unnecessary greeting. The only one who responded was Tina Chen, science teacher and just about the only person who could tolerate Gavin in the entire school, and even then, she just gave a half-hearted wave. Gavin walked in like he owned the place, as he was wont to do, striding over to where Hank was leaning and grabbing a mug from the cupboard beside his head.

‘Morning, Anderson,’ said Gavin. Hank didn’t know why Gavin insisted on calling him by his last name but chalked it up to just another annoying facet of his overwhelmingly annoying personality.

‘Morning,’ he grumbled back, raising his eyebrows briefly. ‘How was your break?’ he asked, polite enough to make small talk.

‘Oh, y’know. Same old. _Lots_ of work to do,’ he remarked, and Hank just narrowed his eyes – like everyone here didn’t have plenty of work to do - and watched as Gavin wandered over to sit down on the couch beside Tina.

‘What’s your schedule look like today, Hank?’ Ben asked, wandering over to the couch across from Gavin and Tina. Hank made his way over as well, sitting down and grabbing his phone out, where he kept his schedule. Gavin murmured something to Tina, and Hank rolled his eyes, fully expecting it was something unbecoming at his expense.

‘Uh, free first and fifth period, by the looks of it,’ Hank remarked.

‘Speaking of periods,’ Tina interjected, ‘isn’t it almost the right time of year for the sex ed guy to come in?’

Hank paused and swallowed hard. It _was_ almost that time of year, the time of year he’d come to almost dread. Not because he couldn’t handle the content – he was a grown man, for god’s sake – but because he could barely handle the guy who delivered it. He just nodded small.

‘Yeah, that’s next week,’ Hank said, cradling his cup of coffee, ‘give the kids a week to settle back in before we scar ‘em.’ Tina gave a small smirk at that, waving her hand.

‘Eh, they’re eighth graders, they probably know it all already,’ she remarked.

‘Don’t even _say_ that,’ Hank replied, ‘Cole’ll be in eighth grade in the blink of an eye.’ Tina laughed small, at which point Gavin saw it fit to lean forward into the conversation.

‘You know, I think we should teach ‘em younger. Kids these days, man,’ he remarked. Hank shot him a quick glare.

‘Yeah? You the expert, now?’ Hank asked. Gavin just shrugged.

‘I’m only saying. God knows what Cole’s already doing,’ he remarked. Hank visibly winced at that.

‘Jesus, Gavin, he’s only thirteen. He’s not doing anything.’

There was a pause. Hank looked at Gavin, then at Ben, whose facial expression was anything but comforting.

‘You remember what it was like to be thirteen, Hank,’ Ben finally said, and Hank stood up.

‘ _Okay,_ that’s enough, you know Cole’d kill me if he knew we were talking about him like this,’ said Hank as he strode over to the sink, rinsing out his mug. Gavin gave a snicker behind his coffee cup and raised his eyebrows, looking at Tina and Ben.

‘I think he just knows we’re right.’  

Hank made his way out of the staff room and down the corridor towards his homeroom. He couldn’t believe that he’d almost forgotten about stupid sex ed coming up. It came up every year, and every year it took him by surprise. Every year he thought he’d be able to handle it better, and every year he just _didn’t._ It was honestly embarrassing. But hey, he had a week to work out how to cope better than he had the year before, and the year before that, so he’d be fine, right? He had to be.

As he entered his homeroom and sat down at the desk, he took a second to relish in the quiet that would be broken as soon as students started filing in. It wasn’t that he didn’t like his job – he loved it, just quietly – but coming back from break was just as hard on him as it was on his students. Before he knew it, the bell rang and his eighth graders came filing into the classroom, all looking about as tired as he felt right there and then.

‘Alright, guys, welcome back, hopefully you all had a good spring break,’ Hank began, ‘let’s see who’s here.’ He picked up the roll and took it quickly, noting that all of his students were present. ‘Pretty impressive for a first day back. Alright, feel free to talk amongst yourselves,’ Hank waved his hand but paused. ‘Oh, just one thing – make sure you bring back your signed permission slips for sex ed by the end of the week, return them to me, thank you.’ There was a little titter from the class in general at the mention of sex ed, but that was pretty much par for the course as far as eighth graders went. One hand shot up and Hank looked over at the student, who spoke up.

‘What happens if we don’t bring our forms back?’ he asked.

‘Well, then, you won’t be doing the class. But trust me, about the only thing more embarrassing than doing sex ed is having to _sit out_ of sex ed,’ he said, which earned a small laugh from some of the class. ‘Besides, I’m pretty sure Mr Reed will be taking the students who sit out, so pick your poison.’ Another little laugh sounded out and the boy who’d asked the question looked pretty sheepish. Hank sighed and shook his head.

‘Just get the form signed, it won’t be that bad.’

Hank paused at that, knowing that for the last few years, he’d had to struggle through the lessons because of that damned sex ed teacher. He shook his head and continued with the morning’s announcements, trying to put the impending lessons to the back of his mind.

Maybe this year would be different.

 

* * *

 

Waking up that morning, Connor felt someone in the bed beside him.

He remembered going out the night before, reluctantly, with some of his co-workers. He _never_ went out on a work night, but had made an exception and _this_ is what he got in return? A stranger in his bed. He didn’t have a problem with that, per se, but it wasn’t exactly his plan for the night before. He’d only had a couple of drinks – he remembered everything.

 _Jesus_ , it had been a long time since he’d had a one-night stand.

He turns over to see that the guy was already getting dressed, which Connor was quietly thankful for. He had to get ready for work, which was in –

 _Shit._ He was going to be late.

He must have voiced his concern over his lateness out loud, as his companion from the night before turned around and laughed, rubbing at the back of his neck.

‘Ah, sorry… I’ll be outta your hair in a sec,’ he said, pulling his jeans on. Connor shook his head.

‘No, you’re fine, I’m just – super late,’ he stood up, realising only then that he was stark naked. He winced visibly and scrambled to find his underwear, pulling it on in a rush. Considering his job, he was surprisingly reticent when it came to things like this. ‘Are you good to let yourself out?’

‘Yeah, of course,’ the man said, ‘thanks for last night, by the way.’

‘No problem,’ Connor replied, still rushing around the room to collect fresh clothes for the day ahead. As he rushed out of the room, he paused at the doorway, turning to look back at the guy in his bed. ‘Thanks yourself.’ And that was all he said before he headed out, never to see that face again. It was a shame – he was cute. And it had been a long time since Connor had seen much action, longer than he would have liked, so it was nice to have blown the cobwebs out, so to speak.

Connor showered as quickly as he could, vaguely hearing his front door open and shut as he got out. He dried himself off and with his hands did his hair – he didn’t have time for all the product he usually put in it. Nobody would notice, right? His hair had a tendency to curl and do whatever it wanted anyway.

He got dressed almost frantically, nearly tripping over himself a number of times. It wasn’t even that he was going to be super late, nor did he have any programs to deliver today – it was just that he had a certain reputation for being at the office early and if he didn’t live up to that reputation, he knew that questions would follow.

Being a sex educator wasn’t exactly where Connor saw himself initially, but after needing a minor and finding human sexuality as one that his college offered that he was interested in, it was where he found himself. Now, he was working for a small place that offered comprehensive sex education to schools all across the Detroit area. Between that and temping occasionally as a substitute teacher, he kept himself afloat in the little apartment he called home.

Connor eventually got dressed, hopping across the bedroom floor to get into his skinny jeans, and again he almost tripped when he caught sight of the used condom on the ground. He skipped over it and almost launched himself through the window but caught himself on the wall just in time. He was relieved, both that he didn’t fly through the window and that a condom was used. He did up his jeans and reached down to pick up the condom, quickly disposing of it in the bathroom before coming back to put his shoes on and pull on a sweater.

As he left his bedroom, Connor forewent the morning coffee that usually kept him afloat until lunch time – he could get some at the office. He rushed out of the apartment, locking the door and heading down to the parking lot to hop into his car and drive off as fast as he could. But, of course, as he wasn’t leaving at his usual time, he met rush-hour traffic and that only served to frustrate him further. He wasn’t one for road rage, but this traffic made him want to be. Instead, he calmed himself down, turned his music up and waited, for that was just about all he could do. Once he made it to work, he frantically rushed through the doors of the little office, damp hair mussed and satchel askew, but was met immediately by three sets of eyes.

‘Connor?’

‘You look…’

‘Walk of shame, huh, Stern?’

Kara, Markus and North, all his co-workers in that day, sounded out in turn and Connor turned a bright red. Kara looked concerned, Markus went back to the work he was doing on his computer, but North’s eyes remained trained on the embarrassed looking Connor. He went to his desk, and North spun around in her chair in a rather sinister manner to keep on looking at him.

‘So.’

‘North…’ Kara tried to get her to back off, but North was having none of it. She knew the look on Connor’s face suggested one thing and one thing only.

‘ _So,_ ’ she reiterated, clasping her hands and looking at Connor beside the monitor he was currently logging in on. ‘Why’re you late?’

‘I blame you for making me go out last night.’

‘Ooh, it has to do with last night, hm?’

‘I don’t _really_ want to talk about it,’ Connor remarked, and Kara just gave a sympathetic glance over her own monitor.

‘Come on, North, he doesn’t want to –‘

‘I _know_ that look, Connor,’ North continued despite Kara’s protests, folding her arms and waggling her eyebrows. Connor looked up at her and his serious demeanour quickly dissipated, making way for a small smirk. North gasped and her eyes widened. ‘I _knew_ it! Spill,’ she insisted. Kara just rolled her eyes and went back to her work.

‘I shouldn’t,’ Connor said as he clicked a couple of things on his computer.

‘Come on, we’re all about healthy conversations about sex, here,’ North insisted, ‘it’s _basically_ your job to tell me what happened.’

‘That’s not true,’ Connor replied, ‘but I’ll tell you at lunch.’

‘I’m not here for lunch,’ North lamented, ‘I’m outta the office after eleven. Markus and I are doing a half-day session with some twelfth graders,’ she continued.

‘Well, you’ll just have to wait, then, won’t you?’ Connor teased. North literally faceplanted onto her desk with a huff.

‘But _Connor,_ how am I going to live vicariously through your sex life if you don’t tell me about it?’ she asked. Connor scoffed.

‘Please. This is the first time in… _months,_ god,’ he said to himself.

‘Exactly, which makes it all the more exciting!’ North exclaimed.

‘North, come on,’ Kara still insisted from her computer. North sighed, leaning back on her chair.

‘Kara, we don’t all have huge, strapping boyfriends like Luther to go home to at night. _Some_ of us need the scraps,’ said North. Kara just rolled her eyes, going back to working at her computer. Connor decided that Kara needed a break, and he needed a coffee, so he stood.

‘Come on, North, come have a coffee.’ He made his way over to the little kitchenette they had in the corner of the office, and North bounded over after him, clapping her hands together.

‘Alright, tell me _everything,_ ’ she said, leaning on the counter as Connor started making the coffee.

‘There’s not much to tell,’ Connor remarked, leaning in slightly, ‘to tell you the truth… I didn’t even get his name. That’s bad, isn’t it?’ North gaped, giving Connor a little smack on the arm.

‘You _dog,_ Stern! That _is_ bad, _’_ North said, before pausing. ‘I mean, I’ve done the same, but that’s not exactly a glowing review.’

‘You’re telling me,’ Connor remarked, grabbing two mugs out of the cupboard and moving past North to grab the milk from the fridge. North tilted her head briefly.

‘Harsh, but fair,’ she admitted. Connor gave a little smirk despite himself.

‘Two sugars?’ he asked, and North nodded.

‘Yep. Now… come on. Details, Connor, a girl needs details,’ North pressed, grinning. Connor turned to her and rolled his eyes, going to pour the coffee into the mugs.

‘Like I said, not much to tell. It was… sex. Pretty good sex, I suppose,’ he remarked, offhandedly, which only had North grinning wider, ‘but nothing to write home about.’ North took her coffee and hissed a little at Connor’s last remark.

‘Ooh, harsh,’ she said. Connor just picked up his mug, taking a sip and sighing contentedly. He didn’t think he was particularly coffee driven until the days when he missed his morning cup.

‘Not harsh, just true,’ he said, going to walk back to his desk.

‘That’s all you’re giving me?’ North asked, striding after him.

‘It sure is. Maybe ask Kara for some more crumbs,’ he remarked, sitting back down at his desk. North did the same, putting her mug down with a heaving sigh.

‘Connor, you _know_ Kara doesn’t tell me anything fun.’

‘Hey! I…’ Kara went to protest but realised she didn’t really have a leg to stand on. She sighed. ‘I don’t.’  

‘See! She admits it,’ North huffed, though the smirk on her face gave away the fact that she was joking. Connor smirked as well and sat back in his chair, getting ready to work for the day. He checked his emails and his schedule and realised that the next week he was scheduled to go back to a middle school he’d been delivering programs to for the last couple of years.

‘Glad to see that middle school wants me back,’ Connor remarked, and Markus finally looked up from his computer with a little scoff.

‘Of course they do. Everywhere you go wants you back,’ he replied, and Connor saw North nodding out of the corner of his eye. He gave a little smile and a shake of the head before looking back at his computer, going to send through a confirmatory email to the principal of the school, Jeffrey Fowler. He liked to get these things confirmed with plenty of time, so he had time to plan his content and the school had time to get all of the consent forms back and all that. Frankly, Connor didn’t think that the kind of education he delivered should be optional as such, but he understood the current need for consent forms and the like.

Before Connor knew it, North and Markus were heading off to their program and it was just he and Kara in the office. Not long after that, Kara left for the day and it left Connor on his own. It wasn’t a rarity that Connor was on his own in the office, so he was pretty used to it by this point. He received an email back from the principal of the middle school he’d be attending the next week, and he opened it up to read it. It was just a general email thanking him for the confirmation, and directing any further questions to Mr Hank Anderson, the physical education teacher whose classes sex education would be replacing for the week.

Connor paused. There was a little lurch in his stomach when he read that name – Hank Anderson. The teacher he’d dealt with for the past two years at this middle school. He didn’t have any real problem with Hank – it was just that he felt like Hank had a problem with him. Or maybe it was the content? Maybe Hank was just an incredibly immature grown man and _that_ was why he barely looked Connor in the eye when he taught. He could deal with giggling kids and stupid questions coming from students (he always _said_ there were no stupid questions, but he knew the truth, really). But the grown man sitting at the back of the classroom who looked embarrassed to be there? _That_ was something that burned into his memory for some reason or another. He heaved a sigh and went back to lesson planning.

Maybe this year would be different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go kids, a proper multi chapter hankcon fic from yours truly! you can find me most often on [twitter](https://twitter.com/andersondroidd) these days, but i'm also on [tumblr](https://andersondroid.tumblr.com) too! 
> 
> also, big thanks to [scadaz](https://scadaz.tumblr.com) for half of the ideas in this fic and also their help in navigating the american middle school system because god knows i couldn't do that on my own.


	2. Chapter 2

‘Ugh, dad, _shut up!_ ’

‘Excuse me?’

‘You heard me!’

The last sentence was punctuated with the slam of the bathroom door, and Hank huffed, rubbing at his face. These arguments with Cole were getting more frequent, and he wasn’t fond of it. He also wasn’t fond of Cole’s newfound attitude. And to top it all off, today was the day that Hank had been dreading – he had to see Connor Stern again, after a whole year of regretting the way he’d tried and failed to deal with being around him like an adult human.

Today was shaping up to be _great._

Hank sunk his hand into Sumo’s fur, patting the dog as if he were the only good thing left in his life. Which, between the impending classes and the moody teenager in the shower, maybe he was. Sumo was still as friendly as ever, and he certainly didn’t talk back, apart from the occasional _boof._ Hank was ready to go, but Cole was lagging behind even further than usual due to his and Hank’s little argument. By the time Cole was ready to go, Hank was antsy about running late, and that only made Cole shove his earbuds into his ears with a glare even faster than he usually did. It was a tense drive to school, and once they got there, Cole didn’t even give so much as a wave as he exited the car.

Homeroom went about as smoothly as it could have, with the eighth graders knowing exactly what was coming later that day. There were murmurs of rumours going around that they were going to watch porn in the class, that they’d have to watch a baby being born and most importantly, questions as to whether or not they were going to get their hands on condoms or not. Hank didn’t bother shutting down the talk – they’d find out the truth soon enough.

‘Alright, alright, settle down,’ Hank called out, the class vaguely turning their attention to him in order to let him take the roll and get through the morning’s announcements. Once homeroom was over, the first part of Hank’s day consisted of teaching sixth graders, kids who blissfully had two years until they had to worry about what Hank was currently worrying about. For now, all they needed to be concerned with was dodgeball, which by the looks on some of their faces was just as scary as the prospect of sex education. There were screams, excuses and a few tears – all in a day’s work for Hank, really. He didn’t _like_ the fact that kids tended to get scared in his classes, but it was par for the course after years of doing this.

Once the class was over and it was recess time, Hank started packing up the dodgeballs and cones he’d set out for the game. He wandered around, picking up the last of the cones, when he found himself thinking about what was to come and how he could totally handle things this year. It wasn’t going to be like the other years, when he sat in the back of the classroom and averted his eyes, it just _wasn’t._ He’d be fine this year – he would be. Hank briefly made his way to the staff room, where he was met by Ben talking to someone whose face he couldn’t see. He wandered over, absentmindedly greeting Ben.

‘Hey, Ben,’ he said, and then he turned around to see just who he was talking to. Regret coursed through him as he saw a familiar set of brown eyes belonging to a lightly freckled face.

‘Hank,’ said Connor, giving a polite, tight-lipped smile. Hank gave an almost identical smile, though his probably looked slightly more uncomfortable.

‘Connor,’ he replied with a nod. ‘Good to see you again.’

‘Same to you. I was just grabbing some coffee before our lessons,’ Connor explained, Hank nodding again in response.

‘Yeah, sounds like a plan,’ Hank said, heading quickly over to make himself up a coffee. He took a deep breath and blinked. He could do this. He could deal. He was sick of acting like a teenager around this guy, because he was sure that at some point, he’d get found out. At some point, this Connor would notice that he acted hopelessly around him, and it would just get _weird._ Hank was too old for this shit, basically.

He didn’t want to admit that maybe he had a crush on this guy. It had been a long time since he’d had a crush, because he was a grown ass man, and grown ass men didn’t have crushes. There was just something compelling about Connor, about his face, the way he talked and the way he acted. Could Hank put his finger on it? Fuck no, but was there something there? Yeah. Was Hank too proud to really admit it. _Hell yeah._

He resolved himself to keep his shit together as he picked up his mug, wandering back to where Ben and Connor were chatting away, inserting himself back into the conversation with that same tight-lipped smile from before. Connor returned the gesture before sipping at his coffee, and Hank just averted his eyes, looking back to Ben.

‘How’ve your classes been?’ he asked, and Ben shrugged.

‘Same old, same old. Yours?’

‘Pretty much the same,’ Hank nodded, looking to Connor, who was still standing there silently. There was a slightly awkward pause, which Hank felt the need to fill. ‘Have you had many classes since school came back?’ Connor shook his head.

‘These are my first ones since before spring break, actually,’ he replied, ‘so it’ll be good to get back into the swing of things.’

‘Yeah, sure will,’ Hank remarked, clearing his throat before taking another sip of coffee. It was like he couldn’t help but make things slightly awkward between him and Connor, and Ben was only there to consolidate the awkwardness by reminding them of the time.

‘Recess is nearly over,’ he remarked, and Hank and Connor looked at him simultaneously. Hank just downed his coffee as Connor wandered over to the sink to rinse out his mug. Hank shot a look to Ben, who seemed pretty oblivious to anything he may or may not have done. ‘You alright, Hank?’

‘Peachy,’ he replied, sighing as he walked to the sink. He got there just as Connor turned around, blocking his path.

‘Sorry,’ Connor said, and Hank shook his head as he moved around him.

‘You’re fine,’ he replied, just rinsing his mug out before turning back to Connor, who seemed to be waiting for him. ‘You know what classroom we’re in?’

‘It was in my emails that it was the same classroom as last year,’ Connor remarked as he and Hank went to walk out of the staff room. ‘I already put my things in there, I hope that’s okay.’

‘Totally fine.’

The walk to the classroom was short, but otherwise silent. Hank chastised himself for not even being able to make small talk with the guy. Small talk, however, was not what Connor was after as he hoisted a duffel bag onto the desk at the front of the classroom.

‘Hank, would you mind helping me set these out?’ Connor asked, nonchalantly opening a literal bag of dicks. Hank blinked once, twice, three times before nodding, trying to act as casual as Connor was. To be fair, he didn’t handle bags of dicks on as regular a basis as Connor did, but he was still a grown adult. And so, Hank diligently went around the classroom, placing the model penises down where each pair of students would sit. Connor followed like some kind of contraceptive fairy, placing a couple of condoms down by each model in Hank’s wake. Once they were done, they stood back and, honestly, briefly admired their work. But Connor wasn’t done, pulling out a number of other prop contraceptives, as well as some pads and tampons.

‘You seem to have, uh… more stuff than last year,’ Hank remarked, rubbing at the back of his neck. Connor looked up at him and nodded small.

‘Yeah, we got a little funding boost, which was nice,’ he remarked, pulling out a USB stick and going to the computer at the front of the room. ‘Would you mind…?’ Hank paused for a second before realising what Connor was asking.

‘Oh, yeah, of course,’ he replied, going to log into the computer system for Connor. He thanked him briefly before going to plug the USB stick in, pulling up his presentation and then looking out to the classroom, giving a slightly shaky sigh. Hank raised an eyebrow. ‘You nervous or somethin’?’

‘Not really,’ Connor replied, ‘just… hard coming back from a little break, you know?’ Hank gave an emphatic nod.

‘Trust me, after every break I still think I’ve forgotten how to teach. You’ll be fine,’ he said. Connor smiled, and that slightly lopsided grin had butterflies forming in his stomach. _Jesus Christ, Hank, pull it together,_ he thought to himself. The awkward silence was enough of a punishment, and Connor’s smile seemed to fade as he went back to looking through his presentation, making sure everything was there. As if on cue, before Hank had to say anything else the bell rang, and he just gave Connor a solid nod before going to head to the back of the classroom, taking a chair and sitting down. Slowly, kids started to file in, and Connor stood at the front of the classroom, that damn smile back on his face as he greeted some of the students. Some of them were already laughing just at the models on their tables, and some of them flat out seemed to refuse to look at them at all.

‘Hey, guys, come in, sit down, we’ve got lots to get through,’ said Connor as the final few students came through. Once they were all in, he clapped his hands together and rocked on his feet for a second. ‘Alright! Hi guys, nice to meet you, I’m Connor. And today we’re going to be doing a little bit of sex ed.’ Hank glanced up when Connor introduced himself by his first name – he’d done that the past couple of years too, but it always got Hank’s attention. He couldn’t imagine the kids ever calling him anything but Mr Anderson, to be honest.

‘Alright, so, let’s first establish that this is a really safe space,’ Connor began, and Hank watched as a group of boys laughed at the phrasing. He sighed small, but decided it was best to let Connor deal with it. He ignored it for now, so Hank did as well. ‘We want to make sure that everyone feels comfortable here. So. What does that look like, guys?’ Connor pulled out a marker and walked up to the board, ready to jot down some ideas. The class was dead silent at first, so Connor began. ‘How about confidentiality, hm? Like not repeating stories from this room outside of it on social media and things like that.’ Connor wrote _confidentiality_ in big letters on the board, but it didn’t seem to spark much discussion. He looked briefly around the room before his eyes landed on Hank, and he gave a little sigh. Classes like this happened sometimes – they just didn’t have the capacity to brainstorm, so the teachers had to kickstart the process. Hank reluctantly put his hand up and Connor pointed at him with the marker. ‘Mr Anderson?’

‘Uh, how about listening to others?’ he put forth, and Connor gave that damn smile again. Hank could feel his face heating up just form that little gesture, but luckily Connor was too busy writing _listening_ up on the board to notice. That seemed to be enough of a push for the kids to start brainstorming, and eventually the board had a number of items on it.

‘Alright! I think that looks good – so we’re all going to remember these rules as we go through our lesson today,’ Connor said, sectioning off the board and walking to the other side, ‘which really starts now. And we’re going to dive right in to everyone’s favourite – puberty.’ There was an audible groan from the class, and Connor gave a little laugh at that, nodding and remarking how every class reacted the same way. Hank was distracted briefly by the chuckle that Connor gave, focusing on a food pyramid poster across the classroom as opposed to the way that Connor’s eyes lit up when he laughed. Because that was _not_ the point, and he was _not_ going to look red in the face just as Connor was mentioning puberty. He _wasn’t._

‘So, let’s talk about what on Earth puberty actually is, right? What does the word puberty men to you guys?’ One of the boys who had laughed at the concept of a safe space shot his hand up, and Connor looked to him.

‘Uh, it’s when you get boners and stuff,’ he remarked with a snort, and his friends snickered in solidarity. Hank looked to Connor, fully prepared to pull the boys into line, but Connor just gave a thoughtful nod.

‘Well, that’s true for some of you, absolutely. But let’s think a little broader, shall we?’ Connor asked. A notoriously quiet girl stuck her hand up and Connor pointed to her with his marker still in hand. ‘Yes?’

‘It’s – it’s when your body starts changing,’ she murmured, and Connor seemed to light up at that.

‘Good! Absolutely,’ he said, turning to write that up on the board, ‘your body starts changing from a child’s body into more of an adult’s body. Anything else?’ A few other students offered things up, things about hormones and being able to make babies.

‘Awesome! That’s really great. Now, in your table groups, I’m gonna get you to grab out a book and just write out a list for me. I want you to make two lists – one which is the good things about getting older, and one which is about the difficult things about getting older. I’ll give you five minutes to list as many as you can, alright? Go ahead,’ Connor said, and slowly the chatter in the room started rising. Hank watched as Connor walked around the room, chatting with the groups and helping them come up with ideas. Eventually, Connor circled around to the back of the room, where Hank glanced up at him.

‘I can talk to those boys if you want,’ Hank remarked, and Connor shook his head, waving his hand.

‘No, no, it’s fine. Trust me, I’ve had much worse,’ he said, giving another smile. This time Hank had nowhere to hide as he felt the heat rising in his cheeks. Luckily, Connor just folded his arms and looked out at the class having their discussion, deciding then was the right time to get them to wrap it up, bringing their attention back to him as he wandered to the front of the classroom. They spent some time discussing their answers, after which Connor clapped his hands together.

‘Alright, so, that was mainly talking about the emotional changes that are involved in growing up. Now, I’m going to talk a little about the _physical_ changes,’ Connor said, which pulled a few noises from the class. ‘This might feel a little awkward, but don’t worry, we’ll make it through,’ he said with a laugh and a smile. This seemed to put the majority of the class at some sort of ease, but it didn’t do anything for Hank’s composure. How could one guy be so charming when he was about to talk about the ins and outs of puberty? Hank didn’t even want to _think_ about unpacking that one.

The next little section of the class was, as promised, slightly awkward. It always was, no matter how mature the group Connor was delivering a program too was. There were giggles and groans alike, but Connor did his best to keep the content light overall. Eventually, it came time to address the elephant in the room – or in this case, the elephants on the students’ tables.

‘So, the time has come to talk a little more about sex,’ Connor said, clasping his hands together and ignoring the small snorts of laughter that came from around the room. ‘and how to keep yourself safe if you are going to have sex. _But,_ ’ he gave a pointed glance to the boys at the back of the room who were already grabbing for the condoms, ‘first we’re going to watch a quick little video. Then we’ll move on, alright?’

Connor wandered over to the computer, clicked a couple of things and started up a relatively old looking video, one that Hank felt like he’d seen countless times now. He couldn’t imagine how many times Connor had watched it. But still, his eyes didn’t seem to wander from the screen as he sat at the front of the classroom. Hank knew this, of course, because he found himself staring at Connor. He eventually shook his head and tried to focus back on the video, but there was only so much of the cheesy acting and thirty-somethings pretending to be teens that he could handle. Once the video was over, Connor stood again and looked back out to the class.

‘So, if you do make the choice to have sex, it’s very important to keep yourself and your partner safe from sexually transmitted infections and from unplanned pregnancies. There are a number of ways to do this. And one of the most common and effective ways is through the use of condoms,’ he said, picking up one from the desk beside him and holding it up. ‘Who’s seen one of these before?’ Immediately, most of the boys in the class shot up their hands, with a couple of the girls following suit. Connor nodded and put the condom down. ‘Cool!’ Hank, for some reason unknown to everyone but the good lord himself, felt his cheeks going red at Connor’s casual language use. It was terribly endearing, but why that had Hank blushing like a schoolgirl was beyond him.

‘Well, you’ve all got some sitting in front of you, plus, as I’m sure you’ve all noticed since the minute you got in here, a model penis. So, I’m going to demonstrate how to properly put on a condom and then in pairs, you’re going to do the same.’

Oh, _God._

Hank’s eyes again met his good friend, the food pyramid poster, instead of Connor demonstrating his probably perfect condom technique. Hank was saved from staring at the poster by those notorious back of the classroom boys, though, when he noticed that one of them had already opened one of the condoms and looked like he was about to flick it the back of one of the girls’ heads. Hank stood and walked over to the boy, grabbing the condom from him abruptly.

‘Don’t even _think_ about it,’ Hank warned, ‘eyes to the front.’ He wandered away to put the condom in the bin after giving advice that he was absolutely not going to take, and by the time he was sitting back down Connor had mercifully finished his demonstration.

‘And there you go! It seems pretty simple, but it’s important to do it correctly. Go on and have a try, and I’ll wander around and check out how you’re doing,’ said Connor as he started to make his way around the classroom. There were a number of grossed out noises that sounded out when the condoms were opened.

‘It’s like a snail,’ Hank overheard one girl say. Connor must have overheard the same comment as Hank caught him smirking small. They made quick eye contact at that, Connor swiping his tongue over his bottom lip in an attempt to hide the smirk. Hank did no such thing, the grin on his face still evident even as Connor looked away.

‘I broke mine!’ a boy called out, and Connor’s attention turned immediately to his pair. He walked over and started assisting them, leaning over the table. Hank glanced over, and upon getting an eyeful of Connor bending over, looked straight back at the food pyramid poster. He _knew_ his face was red, he could just _feel_ it, and he just hoped to all hopes that Connor didn’t look his way. His prayers weren’t answered, as Connor had started walking around the classroom again, giving Hank a quick glance. Hank looked at him at the same time, and they made awkward eye contact for a few moments.

‘Alright, guys, nice work on the condoms,’ Connor said, still looking at Hank, only drawing his eyes away once he started to walk back to the front of the classroom. ‘But condoms aren’t the only form of contraception out there. Let me show you a few more.’ Connor did as he said he would, showing off his little contraceptive collection to a class who seemed less enthused now that they had already been allowed to play with condoms. Still, Connor diligently continued to deliver the rest of the program, and once it came to an end, he put his hands on his hips and gave a smile.

‘Alright. Guess what? You’ve survived!’ he joked, and the class even gave a small laugh. ‘You all did a great job, and I was really impressed with the way you followed the rules we set out at the start. Remember, you haven’t learnt everything today, but it’s hopefully a good head start on understanding puberty and sex and all those fun things,’ he laughed again, and Hank found himself faintly smiling before realising that it was time for him to cut back in. He stood up, walking between the desks to the front of the classroom.

‘Alright, can we all say a big thanks to Connor?’ Hank asked, and a monotonous chorus of _thanks, Connor_ sounded out from the ever enthusiastic eighth graders. ‘Alright, you can head off to lunch now, have an early minute.’ The class seemed overjoyed at that and all headed out, leaving their tables strewn with condoms and wrappers. One girl offered to stay back but Connor told her it was fine, he would handle it. Once all the students were gone, Connor turned to Hank and clapped his hands together.

‘One down, two to go,’ he said, and Hank gave a nod as he started going around the classroom, collecting the discarded condoms and wrappers. Connor went around after him, collecting the models and putting them back in the bag.

‘So that went well?’ Hank asked, and Connor nodded.

‘Yeah, pretty well.’

‘You didn’t forget how to teach after all,’ Hank smirked. Connor gave a little smile and ducked his head slightly. 

‘You were right, I was fine,’ he replied. After they finished cleaning and packing up the classroom, Connor picked up the duffel bag and slung it over his shoulder, giving Hank another of those closed-lipped smiles. Hank returned the gesture.

‘Alright, I guess I’ll see you in a couple of days,’ Hank remarked, to which Connor gave an emphatic nod.

‘Bright and early, we have back to back lessons, don’t we?’ Connor asked.

‘Yup, that’s the one. But you just taught my homeroom, so nothing’ll be as bad as that,’ Hank joked. He did really like his homeroom class, but he knew they had a certain reputation, to put it lightly. Connor laughed small, shaking his head.

‘They really weren’t that bad,’ he said. Hank raised an eyebrow in disbelief but accepted Connor’s almost-compliment nonetheless.

‘That’s good to hear.’ Hank paused, and so did Connor. There was that awkwardness again – they were never long without it. Eventually, Connor just hoisted his bag onto his shoulder further and gave a little smile.

‘Alright, well… see you in a couple of days,’ he said, giving a small wave as he exited the classroom.

Hank stayed put, just leaning against one of the desks and heaving a sigh. Had he made less of a fool of himself than he had in previous years? It was arguable, but he felt like he’d handled his little crush slightly better than he had in the past. He only went red a few times, and that lifesaver of a food pyramid poster covered his ass more than a couple of times. He felt almost optimistic about the near full day he’d have to spend with Connor later that week.

As he left the building, Connor found himself ruminating on the fact that Hank hadn’t seemed quite as embarrassed as he had in previous years. Maybe it was just because it was Hank’s own homeroom class, or maybe Connor had just been more distracted this year, but he certainly hadn’t noticed Hank looking as mortified. And, he had to admit, he had been looking over at him a fair amount – purely to check that he was or wasn’t looking like he hated being there, of course.

He made his way to his car, loading up the duffel bag and getting in. He checked his phone, which he didn’t do while he was working, and realised he had a text from North.

_North [12:02]: how’d it go with the silver fox today?_

Connor’s eyes widened and he brought a hand up to his face, rubbing at it. Okay, so, maybe his looking at Hank more often wasn’t just to see if he was red in the face. And _maybe_ the last time he and North went out, he’d admitted that he had the tiniest inkling of a crush on the grown ass man who couldn’t sit through a sex ed lesson without blushing. But it was completely innocuous, as Connor had insisted, and was little more than a passing whim. North, however, didn’t seem to get the memo.

_[12:17]: Don’t ever call him that again. It went fine. Better than expected, actually._

Connor put his phone away after that and got ready to drive back to the office, where he was certain he’d get a grilling from North. He could handle that, though – just like he could handle a slightly immature, if handsome, middle school gym teacher.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen, i'm not a sex ed teacher so who knows how much of this is accurate, i tried my best to research but some of this stuff is thin on the ground, man. 
> 
> also, i'm not sure what the schedule of this fic will be like because i've just started uni again and i have to write a thesis this year!!! fun!!! either way, have this chapter, i hope you enjoyed the boys meeting and me failing at making this a true slow burn by having them crushin' on each other already but you know what? who cares. if you care, come yell at me at [andersondroidd](https://twitter.com/andersondroidd) on twitter!


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